There is one important temple in the Universe and this is the human body. Nothing is more complex, nor more sacred than this divine form. We reach, without knowing, heaven and divine joy when our hands touch our beloved’s body.
Touching is the most specific way to express our love. It’s magic nourishment for the body and heart, alike. Touching and feelings are inseparable. Tantra regards conscious touch as a secret path towards the heart. We can taste with our fingers the savour of our lover. Touching is a fundamental means of non-verbal communication. When coming from the heart, it has the power to heal and awake, allowing the appearance of a profound merging at the level of the soul. Caresses always imply sincerity, respect, harmony and love. It’s about communicating what we feel and experience through body language. We should pay proper attention to this forgotten mystical language which is an essential form of nourishment — a source of healing joy and pleasure.
A conscious touch of affection, or a tender caress is often much more important than a thousand words; for sure most of us have, at one point or another, spontaneously experienced a passionate embrace that made words futile and useless. Most often, actions communicate more than words. Conscious physical contact is a prerequisite both for a healthy individual and for a fulfilling, mature, loving relationship with the person we love. These experiences amplify mutual appreciation and, not surprisingly, the erotic aspect of our lives gains in importance and enthusiasm. Through conscious erotic touch we can celebrate our sensuality. It is an ingredient that brings spontaneity and delight to a relationship.
Medical research regarding sexual therapy shows that the majority of men consider touch as implicitly leading to intercourse. They have become accustomed to this pattern of thinking to such a degree that they are unable to distinguish between the physical act and other forms of merging with their beloved. The Sluri Hiti Report comes to the conclusion that the majority of men limit lovemaking to penetration. Transforming this pattern of thought requires time and effort. Conscious, sensually awaken and persuasive women may help men break free from this pattern, by helping them understand that passionate embraces or sensual massages can be done without necessarily being followed by intercourse. The intimacy experienced through such conscious sensual experiences may turn up to be even more intense and heart touching than the normal intercourse. And in reality, many of our therapists at Joy Tantra Centre have had such confessions from our guests when receiving tantra massage from us.
It’s important for any man to learn how to enjoy sensual, erotic experiences without lovemaking. It will probably seem strange to him in the beginning, but this is the only way he may become aware and gain control over his own sexual energy, and in time he will become more self-assured, will-powered and virile. Such moments can often be more beautiful, warmer and full of tenderness than actual intercourse. These moments are unique and can generate a deep intimacy between the lovers.
Through warm and gentle touches, we can transmit to our lover, in an ineffable way, all the affection we feel for them in those moments. When experiencing this for the first time, it may be that we wish to show him or her how we feel, in this way, by means of conscious loving touch, and it will most likely be something very new for both. As for the one who is being lovingly touched, aim to be present in the moment of now, and try to become aware of all your sensations, and feel how your senses heighten and you become more alive and better wired than normal. Hence, each gentle touch transforms itself into hundreds of nuances of refined, fluid pleasure, pulsating and rippling in circles from the place of touch, spreading slowly throughout the body all the way to the brain, inducing a suave state of beatitude.
“Slower is better than faster.” Slowing down allows us to “savour” the sensuous, to actually be present and enjoy all of our sensations, not to just rush through them, as a mere means to an end. The goal is not sexual arousal, but to discover and perceive the other one and establish a much deeper and intimate connection with his/her being. We can map each other’s bodies with any part of our body, even toes and feet – not only palms – kisses or with licks of the tongue. Pleasure mapping usually begins on the upper back, moving down the body to the feet. After turning over, the mapping moves from the feet up the body to the top of the head. It is quite common to become more sensitive as the massage continues. In pleasure mapping, the chronic placement of attention, which is usually loosely focused within a stream of thoughts, becomes more and more focused in the realm of the physical.
The one who is touching should pay close attention to the other’s verbal ad non-verbal responses. The smaller the area that is touched, the better the feedback will be. We can map his/her body with different levels of pressure. Some people can barely feel light caresses while others writhe in ecstasy from feathery, angel-like touching. We can also vary the direction of the touch as well as varying the type of touch. For instance, kneading engages tissue in a different way from light fingernail scraping. We can make creative uses of oils, lotions, powders, feathers, silk or even vibrators. The combination of scent and touch is extremely effective in opening up intimacy between two people. That’s basically how we communicate love in an effective way, a way that doesn’t involve having to discuss the subject a great deal.
The couples who wish to enhance their relationship need to understand touch as a language that they speak to each other. This communication involves continuous alternating between giving and receiving. In this way the mutual caresses become more like a conversation. Sexual well-being can be enhanced by learning how to savour touching our lover, by knowing the pleasure places on his/her body, by learning to enjoy giving and receiving erotic caresses and by allowing touch to become intimate communication. Long-term couples will also find that massage can establish a much closer connection, improve their communication, release tension and develop new levels of trust and intimacy. In future articles we shall continue the exploration of the amazing realm of the art of touching and other tantric principles to help deepen and renew intimacy within polar couples.